"This product has honestly made me a better person."

-- K., lifelong user

"Just when I thought I couldn't hold it in any longer!"

-- B., suffers from pharts

"I've only ever felt comfortable farting when obscured by others..."

-- M., can't be smelt

"I've never felt so confident in my life!"

-- M., GI Tract Yield Champion

"Did anybody else just hear that?"

-- K., innocent bystander

"I can't wait to tell everyone about this!"

-- P., can be smelt

"I'd care if I actually farted."

-- G., apparently does not phart

"OMG! I feel so free!"

-- O., phree from pharts most phoul

"Am I adopted?""

-- F., no, he's not

"I prefer the musk."

-- A., can phart three times while looking right at you

"I wonder if you can flush this once it's full?"

-- E., phart-curious (and no, you can not)

"I proudly endorse this product or service."

-- G., phenom pharter

"Yeah, I heard that. Look, if anyone needs me to draw up a cease-and-desist, just let me know."

-- T., Esq., Passed Gas Bar

"This is great! I farted on the elevator, but no smell! Everyone got really mad anyway, though. Can you do something about the sound?"

-- B., pharts with emphasis

"I can't believe these people consented to this."

-- D., phounder and profuse pharter

"Ha! Those come standard here!"

-- J., from the land of kittens and candy-canes

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